Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
