So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
