1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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