THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
