is your mom at the bar?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
