My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
