this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
