It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
