My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
