I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
