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Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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