I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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