I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
