i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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