I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
