Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
