he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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