no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
