You really coming over, don't trick.
your thong is hanging out like whoa
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
