Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
