It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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