you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
