I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
