i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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