I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
