filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
