he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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