The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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