my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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