marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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