The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
