I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
