I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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