when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
