absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
