peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
