ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
