At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
