4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm eating all of the evidence.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
