I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
