you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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