We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
