I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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