mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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