She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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