she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
