I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
