I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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