She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
