I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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