i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
