I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
FUCK WHALES
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
