I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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