Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
