I just saw a hot homeless man
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
