3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
